I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to writing about the emotionally abusive realtionship I’ve been in for about two years. I’m suddenly starting to lose my love for this person, which may be for the best, but fuuuuuck I really wanted this to work.
Mainly cause I feel guilty for putting so much time and effort into loving this unlovable ass-bear. I’m turning into one of those girls.
I always noticed (but never acknowledged) he often doubted my sincerity when I verbally expressed my affection or satisfaction with the relationship. His self-esteem is that low, and it saddens me because I know there’s nothing I can do for him even when I want to show him how wonderful he is. He needs to deal with his own issues and leave the baggage. Getting drunk and silly was fun until I’d drink with him and his sad emotions would just burst out of nowhere. I’m talking hard sobbing. He would put his head on my shoulder and just CRY out of the blue for no apparent reason. The only time I’ve done that to someone (or it’s acceptable) was with my mother when I was a child, and later in life, once, when my first love fucked me over.
I’ve tried motivating and challenging him to work towards a better future for himself, because I believe when you love someone you encourage and help make the best person out of them. He’d whine, and never encourage me back.
“I don’t have time” But you have time for fantasy baseball draft?
“I’m tired.” You’re tired cause you lay around all day playing video games and scanning the A.V. Club so you have witty opinions to voice to people who don’t give a shit.
“It won’t do anything” Except, you know, give you references and work experience and a better resume and the promise of a better future which means more money?
I’m wasting my time but I think I know now what I need to do…
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